Walking is a very virtuous thing. It's good for your wallet. It's good for your waistline. It's good for the environment. And if you play your cards right, it's good for your relationship with your kids, too. When it comes to teens and tweens in particular, there are distinct bonding benefits to getting out and stretching your legs together.
“It's a great idea, and not just because you're walking, but because it's not the usual,” says Peter Sheras, clinical psychologist at the University of Virginia and author of I Can't Believe You Went Through My Stuff (Fireside). “When you're driving or watching TV, you're not always present. What causes us to be present is doing something different from the norm.” Of course, walking also takes longer -- time you can use to your advantage. “It may take you seven seconds to drive to Starbucks, but it takes twelve minutes to walk,” says Sheras. “That's an extra twelve minutes of talking you might not have had.” With kids this age, who often have busier schedules than we do, he adds: “You've got to make hay when the sun shines.”
Hanging Together In addition to being busy, teens and tweens can also be a little lazy and very reluctant to hang with you just for the sake of family togetherness. So how do you get them off the Wii remote and out the door? According to Roni Cohen-Sandler, a clinical psychologist in Connecticut and author of Stressed-Out Girls: Helping Them Thrive in the Age of Pressure (Viking Adult 2005), you might have to be tricky. “You'll need to make it worth their while. You could say
, ‘I’m going to save a lot of money on gas if we walk, and that means I’ll have more money to take you to the movies or let you go with your friends later this week,’” she says. “It has to be in the service of something else.”
Carolyn Hoyt, a writer in Teaneck, N.J., says brisk walks give her 15-year-old daughter a relatively easy way to get in shape for her high school soccer team. For Hoyt, they offer a chance to chat on neutral ground, away from nag triggers like stacks of homework and piles of dirty clothes. Neither party is then tempted into an argument. “When we’re walking, it’s not about wringing information out of her or discussing the ‘big thing,’” she says. “It’s about enjoying one another’s company. During her moments of sanity, I focus on trying to enjoy her.”
Ditch the Agenda Cohen-Sandler agrees that leaving your agenda at home -- or at least keeping it to yourself -- is essential to getting the most out of these windfall moments together. “You want to be really low-key, unless you want it to be the last walk you ever take,” she says. “One reason kids hate it when you suggest they take a walk is that they know you really mean ‘Let’s talk.’ They shouldn’t feel trapped or that you’re asking intrusive questions. Be comfortable with companionable silence.”
If you have something important to discuss, she says, lead up to it gently. If you’re lucky, you may find that fresh air and endorphins can make tough subjects easier for both of you to broach. “The physicality of walking gets you beyond the things that get in the way of good communication,” says Hoyt. “Also, I’m always happier outside. If we’re in an environment where we’re both happy and relaxed, it’s definitely conducive to conversation, not shouting.”
Susan Gifford , a former editor at Redbook and Cosmopolitan, has written for such publications as Parents, Redbook, Cosmopolitan and Ladies' Home Journal.
